It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
