I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
