My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
