DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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