I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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