The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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