last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
