Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
