he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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