Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
