is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
