Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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