high people should be assigned attendants
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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