We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
