he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize