i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
