we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
