i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
