How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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