Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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