so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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