Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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