Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
