Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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