I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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