Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
