9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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