he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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