No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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