Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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