his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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