Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize