Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
