I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
