I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize