I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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