Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
so much tequila, so little girl.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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