sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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