im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
