I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
