Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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