the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
