God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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