My room smells like vodka and shame
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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