I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
