are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
