I wish I only lived at night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
