Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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