I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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