this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
