I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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