Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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