She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry about my life...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
