I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
