I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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