Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you never un-have a 4some
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
