At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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