She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
