The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
