I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
