I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize