Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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