everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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