Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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