worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
