just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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