Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

(859): View more from Kentucky

Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.

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(585): View more from New York

you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"

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(727): View more from Florida

I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.

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(727): View more from Florida

I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

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(253): View more from Washington

When are you comin back?

(1-253): View more from Washington

probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons

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(636): View more from Missouri

I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.

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(631): View more from New York

Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.

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