I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
