Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
